The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 924

(19/08/2006 19:57:31)

Has Piratical Tendencies

'Imp...Impy dance!' stuttered Orlando as he revolved slowly around to see who's leg he had a hold of. The wax figure glowered down at him. 'WHAT SIR IS AN IMPY DANCE! SOUNDS LIKE WITCHCRAFT TO ME. Orlando gasped in horror and rolled away from it.

It was at this point he heard wimpering from the Captains cot.

To be more presice from under the Captain's cot. And who ever it was, it sounded distressed. Perhaps, thought Orlando in a semi hysterical brainwave, the figure and the bed were re-enacting a scene from the past where an evil officer had killed a man for bringing him coffee. He gulped audibly. Just how was he going to get out of this one?

The voice from under the bed started speaking again, it was panting and sounded very stressed. 'Impy Dance sir, I must have misheard you Captain, er...sir why don't you straighten your wig up again sir and drink your cup of Joe before it gets cold eh? Sir, you know you don't like it cold.'

'SILENCE STYLES! I AM PERFECTLY AWARE OF HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE. YOU ARE NOT MY NANNY!'

A strangled squark eminated from the bed. 'N-n-o sir!'

It was at this point Orlando realised that Styles sounded a lot like a girl. Cocking an eyebrow he steadily moved towards the bed. He was about to raised the sheet and peer under when an weary 19th century cutlass slid out form under the bed and ,not without venom, prodded him in the ankle.

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(25/08/2006 18:58:12)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

"Oi! That hurt!!" shouted Orlando leaping back from the bed. "What the heck? That's no ghostly sword." He bent down to try to peek under the bed.

Mellie couldn't hold her breathe for another moment. The room exploded in her laughter and was immediately echoed by Kim's laughter. Mellie stepped her place from the shadows and Kim slipped out from under the bed, still brandishing her sword at the actor.

"You're not ghosts; you're girls!" protested the actor as he sank down on the bed, looking rather relieved that it was girls and not ghosts.

Mellie did not look amused. "We're not 'girls'. We're women," she remarked, megaphone raised to her mouth. "Actually," she brought down the megaphone, "we are women concerned with the preservation of historic sites. And you, sir, have trespassed by coming on this ship. For what? To read," she picked up the script he had left on the desk and looked at the title page, "the new Peter Jackson script for 'Robin Hood'!!! Kim get a load of this." Mellie tossed the script across the room to her friend.

"Why would he bother doing a film about 'Robin Hood' when the new series is about to debut?" asked Kim rhetorically. Kim and Mellie shared a look and sang a little of the Robin Hood theme together. "Robin... ba dum... the hooded man."

"Dear God, you're not historic women; you're bloody fangirls!!" Orlando dramatically flung his body down on the bed lengthwise and covered his head with a pillow.

"Worse then that," said Kim. "We're historic fangirls with swords... and stuff."

"What's wrong with 'fangirls' anyhow? You say that like you have something against them."

Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 924

(29/08/2006 21:15:27)

Has Piratical Tendencies

(must apologise in advance for typos as I'm doing this on the fly!)

Kim placed her hands on her hips and a pet lip jutted out having realised what she had just said, 'I'm not a fangirl, I just work there!'

Mellie sniggered, 'One of the few board members pressganged, weren't you?'

Kim's eyes flashed a little, an amused smirk crossed her face, 'Apt choice of words.'

'B-b-board? Pressganged?' stammered Orlando, a little confused and removing the pillow from his face. 'Of all the docked historic monuments, why did I have to get the one with the crazy pressganged fangirls?'

'You didn't,' said Mellie, 'You found us in Starbuck's first. Anyway, back to the case in hand, why on earth are you considering riding through the glen?'

Orlando glowered, 'That's none of your business. I can't believe I'm talking to two nutters, one of who poked me in the ankle with a cutlass...'

Kim cut him off, 'Could have been worse, could have been a spoon.' Mellie laughed.

Orlando again looked confused, 'A spoon wouldn't have been so bad'.

'It's blunt, you idiot; it would have hurt more.' said Mellie with relish, and Kim snorted. Mellie was about to say something else when a loud voice boomed from outside.

'PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!'

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(15/09/2006 18:56:47)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

"Oh crap," said Mellie looking at Kim sheepishly. "They aren't going to deport me over this, are they?"

"They should have deported you long ago," whispered Orlando under his breath.

"I HEARD THAT!" Mellie glared at Orlando.

Kim looked around the room for something, anything, to help their situation. "Any bright ideas? Anyone? Anyone?... Beuller??"

No one answered. Mellie continued to glare at Orlando, who Kim realized she blamed for getting them into the situation in the first place. Kim knew it was pointless to mention to Mellie that it was her "bright" idea to follow the actor. She also realized that both Mellie and Orlando were far to angry with each other to offer any ideas for getting out of this fix.

"You guys are hopeless. Utterly hopeless." Kim picked up the megaphone and walked out on deck, leaving Mellie and Orlando exchanging looks of death at each other. "Why do I always end up having to do everything?"

*****

Kim walked out and deck, and Orlando struggled not to yell at Mellie. What the hell? Who were these women and why were they provoking him? It wasn't like they were fans trying to get an autograph and a photo, or more... It was as if they were deliberately out to torture him. Him, Orlando Bloom. Why? And who would do something like that....

Suddenly, he realized who they were, and recognition flashed in his eyes.

"You're from that board... on the internet... the one that HATES me..."

Mellie's whole expression morphed from rage into a devilish grin. "'HATES' is such a strong word, Mr. Bloom. I wouldn't say 'hates.' 'Doesn't think you can act your way out of a paper bag,' perhaps, but not 'hates.'" She whipped her digital camera out of her pocketbook. "Say 'cheese'," and snapped the shutter.

JesusChristIsLife

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 11927

(16/09/2006 00:36:27)

I'm the cute one!

Quote:
Mellie's whole expression morphed from rage into a devilish grin. "'HATES' is such a strong word, Mr. Bloom. I wouldn't say 'hates.' 'Doesn't think you can act your way out of a paper bag,' perhaps, but not 'hates.'" She whipped her digital camera out of her pocketbook. "Say 'cheese'," and snapped the shutter.

That's great!

Erm.. *cough cough* Continue.

Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 924

(18/09/2006 20:51:14)

Has Piratical Tendencies

Standing on deck with a megaphone in her hand and a grim expression on her face Kim gazed down at the two police cars below her. She placed her left hand on her hip and pursed her lips.

Stuffing her camera back in her bag, Mellie peered up at her friend and stiffled a snigger. She grabbed Orlando by the arm and dragged him in to a shadowed area of the main deck. 'Shhh, she means buisness now.' she said quietly. Orlando's shoulders sagged, he had no control what so ever, he would just have to go along with their evil plans. probably involving her camera and some puppies, just like that hideous David Hasselhoff picture they seemed so fond of. they would sell that imges for millions he thought ruefully. And then he would be ignored forever more and his career totally destroyed, he'd have to start singing in europe.

Kim placed the megaphone to her lips. 'Its ok officers,' boomed her thick geordie accent, 'I work here. the alarms have been playing up. '

'Can I see some id?' shouted the nearest police officer, and kim threw a card down to him.

'Name?' questioned the police officer.

'Agatha Bull.' came Kim's quick reply and her best tourguide 'trust me I know stuff' smile came out the bag. Orlando could hardly believe such a harpy could look so happy. the police officer seemed to believe her.

'Date of birth and middle name Miss Bull.'

'Sarah, and its december ninth, 1976.'

'Miss Bull, please call your alarm company as soon as possible, I'll leave your card here for you to collect on the way down.'

'thank you officer?'

'PC Miles'

'Why don't you bring your family PC Miles, we'll get you in free as a thank you for this misunderstanding. I really can't apologise enough. And of course thank you for your prompt response.'

'Thank you, good night miss.' the police officers drove off.

Mellie looked at Kim, 'How the hell did you manage that?'

Kim shrugged, Its a secret, but we should go, and what are we going to do with him?!'

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(18/09/2006 21:28:20)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

"More importantly, Kim, what are we going to do with this ridiculous SCRIPT?" said Mellie, waving the pages in the air.

"Oh, no, you don't," shouted Orlando, grabbing for the document. "That's mine."

Mellie tossed the script to Kim, who read, "Property of Peter Jackson. Hmmm, you don't look like Peter Jackson to me."

Mellie continued, "Even though he did loose all that weight. I don't know though; I am not wearing my glasses. Kim, are you sure that isn't Peter Jackson?"

"Pete GAVE that to me, you harpies!" Kim and Mellie started tossing the script high in the air, back and forth between them, making Orlando a rather awkward monkey in the middle. "Give it BACK!" He jumped up and missed.

"'Give it back!'" mocked Mellie. "Why? It isn't like it is going to get made."

"And if it does," remarked Kim, "there's no way YOU are going to be the star of it!"

Orlando stopped leaping after the script and looked at Kim. "What? Why do you say that?"

"Because the new series of "Robin Hood" is just about to come out on TV," Kim said, starting to sound much like a columnist for Empire magazine. "And if Peter Jackson wants to score a hit in the wake of the King Kong debaucle, he is going to need a stronger leading man than you. Someone who can really carry the picture. Look at your numbers for Kingdom of Heaven for example. The box office opening weekend..."

Orlando slumped onto the floor and put his head in his hands between his knees. They weren't quite sure what was going on, but it looked to both Kim and Mellie like he was going to cry.

"Uh, Kim, maybe we went too far."

"Never," Kim hissed. "He's faking."

"Uh, Kim," as they watched Orlando start to shake from a burst into sudden sobbing. "He's not that good an actor."

Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 924

(02/10/2006 19:03:46)

Has Piratical Tendencies

Kim rolled her eyes, 'give over will you! Can't you imagine the headlines, 'Bubbling Bloom Broken on Boat.'

All she recieved in return to this unstartling piece of wit was another huge sob. Mellie hitched him up by the arm. 'Come on orlando,' she said, 'lets get you a drink.'

'God, I think I need one to,' scoffed Kim turning the pages over in the script, 'I quote:'' LO! The sheriff is taking Maid Marion to Nottingham!'''

Through the sniffles they heard a 'I like that line'

'Sounds familiar'grinned Mellie allowing Orlando to slump back to the ground, and snatched the script back off Kim. 'Robin, do not trust to hope, it has forsaken England...Has Jackson just completely re hashed the trilogy?!'

'Sound's like,' said Kim with a snort, 'and I lost complete interest at LO!'

Orlando wiped away his tears and stood up. 'Harpies,' he snapped, 'all you've dones is mock and critises me and my friends, I'd like to see you do better.' He waited for them to start simpering about how they were sorry to have upset them. It didn't happen. Glancing at each other, the one called Kim spoke first.

'Bloody hell, that was almost as inspirational, if you had acted like that in Kingdom of heaven I might have believe you were a knight.'

'And that,' said Mellie, 'sounded like a challege, Kim, we have a screenplay to re write.'

Silk Pantera

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 901

(26/04/2007 00:21:31)

Dark Jaguars, Evil Follows

Lol. This is great! Keep going!

(steps back to allow the masters to continue)

Laura

Alylonna

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 1868

(01/05/2007 16:45:47)

lol I missed your writing so much. Been giggling at my desk for the last 20 mins reading all that!

guilt is a monster that lurks in the dark.

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(22/06/2007 21:59:18)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

Mellie and Kim started the long walk back to Starbucks, holding the script between them and reading out loud the silliest parts of the script. Orlando trailed behind them, complaining, but not letting the two women out of his sight.

There was no way he could let that script go; Peter would kill him. So until he could get it back in his hands, he knew that he was stuck with the two harpie fangirls/historical people from hell.

They walked back to Starbucks in search of their friends. When Orlando realized they were going into public, he panicked. He knew that if he were seen in public with these women that something very bad would come of it: photographed by paparazzi and end up on the front page of "Hello!" or "OK", or even worse, he would be mocked, not only by them, but by their wretched friends, who he knew would be no better.

So he did the only thing that seemed viable at the moment: he invited them back to his flat to work on the script together.

Kim and Mellie looked at each other. They could see the same thought running through the other's face: "If he tries anything, we can TOTALLY take him."

"Okay," they agreed, smiling.

"But, first," said Kim, "I need another latte."

Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

[-]

Posts: 924

(25/06/2007 15:12:49)

Has Piratical Tendencies

'For christs sake!' cried Orlando, 'I've invited you back to my flat, I've got a coffee maker thing you know. It does expressos, eggnog lattes the lot'

Kim smiled serenely, 'Ah but do you know how to use it?'

Orlando fell silent and pulled his collar up around his face, resigned to his fate and followed the women to the nearest Starbucks. Taking Mellie and Orlando's orders, Kim went in for the starbucks goodness. Orlando leaned against the window, his bottom lip jutting out in a petulantly. Mellie grimaced, she didn't think this was going to be fun.

Kim reappeared with the drinks, and prodded Orlando with a straw in an attempt to get him moving.

***

'My biggest issue with this script is the sheriff is a 2d panto villian,' said Kim throwing the offending script at Mellie. 'He even laughs manically at 12 points in the story. ALan Rickman never did that, and it doesn't even mention spoons. '

'My problem is Robin is legolas.'

Orlando rolled his eyes. 'Look, I'm going to bed, and when I wake up I want you two gone.'

'See you in the morning Orli,' said Kim snidley, 'Just leave us to re write the 'Robin of the rings: The fellowship of Sherwood' by ourselves.' She turned from the actor and threw a badly spelled re write of the villians first encounter with Robin Hood at mellies feet.

Sighing Orlando went to bed.

***

Ext. Sherwood Forest

Shef of Nott. : Quickly you fools. Robin Hood could be here.

Rob. H : To late Nottingham, hand over your wallet, or else....

Shef of Nott : Or else what, you don't scare me. I'm surrounded by 24 armed guards, and you are just one man! Pah! You have fallen into my trap. (laughs manically)

Rob H : Or perhaps you have fallen into mine! Come on out boys!

Shef of Nott is surrounded by Merry Men.

Shef of Nott: Blast, i would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids...

***

'Kim,' said Mellie with a sigh, 'you've some how made it worse.

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(27/06/2007 13:44:55)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

Quote:
Shef of Nott: Blast, i would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids..

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JesusChristIsLife

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 11927

(27/06/2007 14:30:30)

I'm the cute one!

You guys rule.

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 9122

(27/06/2007 20:56:36)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

You know, other people can totally join in on this; it doesn't have to just be Kim and I.

Mellie shook her head dejectedly. "This whole script is just... BAD. That's it. It is bad. I can't believe that there isn't a line where Robin yells 'dramatically', 'They are taking Maid Marian to Isengard.' "

Kim choked on her latte. "I think you mean, 'Nottingham.' And there actually is a version of that line... it is just later in the script."

"Whatever! It's trite, and you are totally right about the villians. They aren't even scary. Who do they think is going to play the Sherriff? They couldn't even get Andy Serkis to do motion capture for the part. The villians are a joke. " Mellie walked over and threw the pages into the trash, while grabbing more clean pages to begin another attempt at a rewrite.

"Like the casting of Robin Hood, isn't?"

Orlando was lying in his bed, but he wasn't sleeping, and he could hear every word coming from the lounge. He sighed deeply and pulled his pillow over his head.

"Well," allowed Mellie, as she crossed back to the couch. "He was a LOT better in At World's End than he was in... well, anything else, really. That has to count for something, right? Pirates was actually pretty decent..."

Mellie stopped in her tracks.

"What?" asked Kim, watching as her friend's face contemplated what she knew was going to be an exciting thought.

"That's IT!" Mellie exploded, causing Orlando to fall out of bed. "We'll make it a satire, like The Princess Bride, a commentary on the whole genre. Instead of making Legolas into Robin Hood, we can make the Dread Pirate Roberts into Robin Hood."

"Pirates in Robin Hood?!?!? That's so crazy, it just might work!" yelled Kim as the two of them jumped up and down. "Let's get to work; we have a lot to do if we have to be out of here in the morning."

Mellie stopped jumping up and down. "Oh. You didn't really think that I was going to listen to him, did you? We are just getting started."

Annoyed moaning could be heard from the bedroom.

"Goodnight, Orlando," the women sang simultaneously as they cackled and got to work.

JesusChristIsLife

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 11927

(27/06/2007 20:59:34)

I'm the cute one!

Yes, but it's much more entertaining watching the two of you.

:lol

JesusChristIsLife

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 11927

(27/06/2007 21:51:01)

I'm the cute one!

Okay okay.

Kim and Mellie worked feverishly for several hours. The rewrite was starting to look pretty good. Suddenly Mellie's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Mellie said loudly. Who cared nothing about waking up Orlando.

"Mellie? Where on earth are you and Kim?!" Marie asked. "You left hours ago!"

"We're writing a script for Peter Jackson."

"You're WHAT!?"

"You heard me."

"Are you and Kim going to be finished anytime soon? A while after you guys left Starbucks Kaity and I came back to my place and had some drinks while we waited to hear from you. "

Italktoharvey

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

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Posts: 924

(27/06/2007 22:01:16)

Has Piratical Tendencies

EDIT: Kaity, hin, just seen your update! Have edited mine to fit...

LOL at Mellie, we've hi jacked the story haven't we....don't know how well I'm going to find pirates in Robin hood but.....

'Er...' muttered Kim, looking embarrassed, 'we could be sometime Mellie, I've just knocked your tea all over the script.....'

'We'll let you girls know as soon as we can.' said Mellie, sighing.

An hour before dawn....

Mellie put down kim's latest version of the opening of their verison of Robin Hood and shook her head. 'You can't use the DOOOM (tm) time machine idea again.'

Kim sighed and drank the dregs of her coffee. She briefly considered waking Orlando up to buy some more, but figured it would be far more amusing to continue listening to him snore. She'd already texted a few close mates with the actors loud rumblings and was wondering if the board would appreciate sleeping Orlando pictures.

'Well, what have you written Miss McClue?' asked Kim, grabbing mellie's A4 ruled pad. Mellie blushed furiously, 'it's not finished!'

***

Open Jaunty music, pan of seascape, small boat is heading for shore. Robin Hood stands on prow, white teeth gleaming.

Robin: Home, I never thought I'd see you again.

Boat Captain: Well, mate, perhaps you should hand over your wallet before you get over confident about setting your booted feet on land again.'

Robin: What do you mean? I've paid my fare already!'

Captain: Well, its like this you see, we spent all the money on rum, and now the rum has gone, and I'll be needing that purse of yours, else my crew will maroon me somewhere...again

Crew members parrot: Pieces of eight

Robin: Why thats theft!

Captain: I be seeing it more like charity, taking something from someone can afford it, and redistributing it to those that need it...savvy

***

'Interesting take, the captain reminds me of someone, I just can't quite put my finger on who...savvy?'said Kim with a smirk.

MellieM42

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

[-]

Posts: 9122

(28/06/2007 20:53:16)

More English than a full sunday lunch
with Yorkshire puddings

"Oh, crap," Mellie said, exasperated with herself. "Now I'VE made it worse."

"All you need now is some reference to "beating to quarters", and you would have something perfect for a new Pirates/Hornblower feature for BBC2."

"ARGH!" yelled Mellie, throwing the notepad across the room, hitting Orlando in the head as he stumbled out of his bedroom.

"OUCH!" he said, rubbing the spot on his forehead where the corner of the pad struck.

"Sorry. Sort of. Not really." Mellie blushed. "Okay, yes. I am sorry for hitting you in the head, but that's all."

Orlando picked up the note pad and started to read. "I didn't realize that this was a Pirates sequel."

"Shut up; it's not... at least, it isn't meant to be." Mellie collapsed on the sofa. Orlando flopped down next to her. She edged away slowly. "Somehow writing stuff is a lot easier when one is typing it on the internet and when one can get immediate feedback from one's audience. Personally, I don't understand why we can't substitute 'Gollum's World Tour' for this particular story. That was a classic."

Kim looked up from Peter Jackson's script. She was reading it for the sixth time, sifting through all of Mellie's grammatical corrections and her own notes full of bad jokes at its expense. "Hang on, you might be on to something there."

Mellie looked at Kim. "I was kidding. You aren't going to substitute Gollum's World Tour for Robin Hood, are you?"

"What's Gollum's World Tour?" asked Orlando. "Some LOTR prequel? Is Legolas in that?"

Kim ignored the actor. "No, I'm not going to use 'Gollum's World Tour', but I am going to use..."

Mellie and Orlando leaned in to hear Kim's brilliant idea.

JesusChristIsLife

Re: The OBF add on story (G-PG-13)

[-]

Posts: 11927

(28/06/2007 21:57:28)

I'm the cute one!

Come on Kim!!! What's your brillant idea!?!?

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